Friends

I just read the book, MWF in Search of a BFF. And I got to thinking about my friends and what role friends play in my life.

I've never been a huge friend magnet. My earliest friends were my cousins. Why? Because that's who my parents foisted me on. They would go hang out with their siblings and I would have to play with their kids, whether I wanted to or not. Sometimes it wasn't bad, but other times...ewww.

People think I'm this social butterfly because I can talk...on a variety of subjects. That just means I read a lot and honestly, books are my BFFs. I can go places or do things in my imagination with a book. I'm a doer.

I watch my husband with his buds. Guys have buds not BFFs. These guys have been in his life for more than 30 years. Incredible. They have what he calls a man-day every now and then. Basically, from what I can gather, a couple of them get together and go bar-hopping. He says they talk, but I really can't see that happening. They probably nod, grunt and occasionally say Dude with a proper inflection.

My BFF, I've had for about 12 years. But she comes and goes. Sometimes we go a month or more without speaking and it's been since Christmas time since I saw her. We occasionally get together and go to lunch, if she's in town. But basically, she's my vent to person. Which is pretty sad when you think about it. We grouse about work, the education system, and usually my husband or kids who've done me some wrong. She has a lot of other friends that she does stuff with, who live closer.

I don't have anyone I can pick up the phone and say hey I'm bored tonight let's do something nor do I have anyone I can just cruise over to their place and flop on their couch and watch tv. I'm not sure why. I have my theories. Years of being too busy. I'm still working 2-3 part-time jobs. Years of saying maybe and then backing out because I was too tired or the house needed cleaning.

Just today, a friend messaged me and said we needed to get together soon and not during the day but at night so we could party. Immediately I sighed. She and I have really gone down separate paths. My nights are pretty booked, between the baking class, the ceramics class, my Toastmaster's meeting and teaching one night a week. I really would like a couple of nights to myself. I know...but how about Friday? I teach on Saturdays. How about Saturday? I would...but...yeah I'm the queen of buts. I stopped partying 4 years ago. I just got busy doing constructive things - directing, cleaning my house, reading. It's a wonder I met my husband. I just don't go out to relax any more. Maybe that's pathetic, but I don't see the point. I have my gripe friend so I have nothing to gripe about. I don't drink; I don't particularly like going places with live bands because they're so loud and I no longer dance. (I don't think it's right now that I'm married). Many of the people I used to socialize with, well, that was a different lifetime ago. I'm married and really love my husband. I don't need to be out trash talking men which is what many of my former pals do nor flirting with strangers. Many of my buds don't enjoy the same interests that I do so it makes it difficult to have a conversation. I love a good discussion about a book I read or politics.

So do I need friends? According to research, friends will help you live longer and enjoy life more. Maybe I just need to find new friends - ones who I share common interests in, ones who don't mind if I crash on their couch and watch old Broadway shows or will let me curl up with a good book. But then again, my cat let's me do that.