Waiting

I've never been good at waiting. The longer I have to wait, the more my anxiety climbs. Three weeks ago I noticed that my thyroid was pressing against my vocal chords making it hard to speak. I tried to make an appointment that week, but the first time I could see the doctor was on Monday of last week. Not so bad, as I didn't really know what was going on.

The Monday appt. got changed to Tuesday because the doctor was sick. Tuesday I finally got in and waited nearly an hour and a half to see the doctor - who ordered blood tests and an uptake scan.

The blood tests were done immediately. The uptake scan scheduled on Thursday. I did all of the registration, filed the paperwork and was waiting for the test when one of the techs came out and told me the machine was broken and they couldn't perform the test. They were suppose to reschedule it for me at another hospital - I waited - they didn't. I called my doctor - it took the office over a day to re-schedule.

Meanwhile, my blood test results aren't in yet. I'm hoping that by the time I see the endrocrynologist (a week from Tuesday) all of the tests will be in and he can see what's going on and get me on some medication. I'm tired of waiting. I've been waiting for nearly 20 years for this to be over.

I told my doctor in the early 90s something's wrong. That doctor sent me to the University hospital to a specialist - nothing's really wrong. I went to another doctor who said you're just getting older I was in my early 30s. In 2005 - my doctor said your thyroid is enlarged let's run some tests - yeah it's not normal but not bad enough to do something.

In 2007, my cholestrol was high so the women's clinic sent me to a health clinic for people without insurance who had an ultrasound done. Oops- you have nodules and they could be cancerous - go find an oncologist. I ended up at another clinic, had a biopsy - no cancer - just nods, don't worry about it - you'll be fine.

FINE??? I'm not fine, I'm exhausted. I'm irritable. I feel miserable. I hate myself. I don't eat - so I'm cranky and light-headed, but yet I gain weight; I don't feel pretty or sexy. Now my neck is swollen and it hurts to swallow. I wonder if my throat is going to swell shut in my sleep - so I don't sleep and now I'm tired plus hungry. Not to mention the achy joints, ear ache from the pressure and the stress of the bills. Add that to menopause and I'm afraid...and people around me should be afraid.

Uptake scan is scheduled for Thursday at 5:30am...let's hope it's nothing serious but it's something so they can treat it.