Diets

Diets suck. I'm a foodie. I love food, especially food that tastes good, but isn't particularly good for you. I love pizza, chips, anything with chocolate, McDonald's hamburgers - basically anything fried and greasy or chocolately. Ok and I'm incredibly lazy so if it's quick, easy and convienent - it's a meal.

On top of that - I'm an emotional eater. I eat when I'm depressed, lonely, nervous, but I also eat when I'm with friends, happy and excited. And I graze - my husband pointed out that I am constantly eating. What can I say? I have an oral fixation. I used to smoke; I love sucking out of a straw. It's the pressure on my lips and tongue...heavenly.

When I was a kid - I could eat anything. I was a skinny little runt. I could eat ice cream every night before I went to bed and never gain an ounce. My sister was the chubby one. She always had the baby fat. Unfortunately, she became anorexic and battles that every day -still. Although she's considered recovered.

Now that I'm in the midst of middle age - my middle is middling. I swear if I look at ice cream - it jumps to my tummy. I might mind so much, but the majority of my weight is located in my stomach. I understand that is a huge health risk or indicator or something bad. Over the years I've always said by next year I'm going to weigh 25 pounds less, then it was 50 pounds less. I got on the scales yesterday and unless I'm mistaken - I've topped 200 pounds - 207 to be exact. That's not pudgy, or chunky or even fat - that's gross fat! Obscenely obese.

So I started not a diet, but a change in how I eat. No longer can I sit and watch TV munching happily on chips and dip. No bedtime cookies and milk. Lunch can't always be a McDonald's quarter pounder and fries. And my pick-me-up should be more time sleeping and less time chugging diet sodas.

I took a long hard look at my exercise habits too. I don't have any. I have a Wii, but it always tells me "that's obese" so I don't like it much. Plus my neighbors live so close that they can see me exercising. They're always home. When I was younger, I was always dancing whether it was at a club or just around the house while I cleaned. Now, I sit at my desk or I sit on the couch. I'm on my computer. I don't need to go anywhere - everything is just a keystroke away. My gardening is down on FarmVille, my excitement comes from scaring bears on FrontierVille. Life is way to simple so I'm going to start slow and build up my endurance.

So here's the plan - pay attention to what I eat and when I eat. At the moment I have a lovely meatloaf and scalloped potatoes in the oven. I even made a Mornay White sauce for the potatoes; But, I made everything from scratch so no preservatives and I added veggies to the meatloaf. This is my husband's favorite meal and I'll take it to him on his dinner break. I bought smaller plates to eat on so I'll trick myself. I also heard if you're hungry eat a teaspoon of peanut butter - I might try that. So my dear blog readers - I might be a bit cranky over the next few weeks as I try really hard to drop at least a few pounds. I should write out a goal. By next Friday I will be down to 205. That's only 2 pounds in a week -that's 6,000 calories I need to cut or expend. I can do it.

Musings

I'm wondering what happened. I usually have tons of stories at my beck and call...but lately, they've hidden. Maybe they don't want me to share them with the world or maybe I'm too busy to hear them.

It's summer so I guess I can be a bit lazy - but I do need to keep working on the blog so I'll set some goals - I'm behind in my culinary updates and I have some doozy recipes for you so over the next couple of days I'll try to get those down. Plus I'll try very hard to come up with an amusing story or two.

On my theatrical front - life is going to get busy, busy, busy. I'm definitely directing Midsummer Night's Dream and hopefully Jack in the Bean Stalk, plus I'm working on writing two original scripts - all before Christmas -I need to get up earlier :)

Four to Score by Janet Evanovitch

This is not a book to read in bed, especially if your husband is trying to sleep. Laugh out loud uproarously funny stuff. Maxine is accused of stealing her ex-boyfriend's car so she runs him over, jumps bail and makes him jump through various hoops. He wants his love letters back, but they're not really love letters. Maxine sends him clues to find them and he has to do nasty things like dig through a bag of dog poop to find the clue. Stephanie and her posse of misfits goes after Maxine and tries to help the guy retrieve his letters.
Stephanie can't figure out the clues so she enlists the aid of Sally Sweet, a very large, very hairy cross-dresser who at the moment is playing in a drag band and living with a gay man. Sally will tell you he's straight. He influences Stephanie's 73-year-old grandma to join his band and eventually Lula will be their lead singer. But that's another story.
Then there is the question of men - Joe Morelli the good, but hot cop or Ranger who doesn't always follow the rules to get his man and who is in my opinion, even hotter.
Mayhem rules; cars and apartments are blown up leaving Stephanie high and dry, but there is always the 53 powder blue Buick and a bed at Joe's or Ranger's place.
I couldn't put this one down. LOVED! it.

The flying kitty

Some people are dog people and we have had our share of dogs and puppies, but when it comes right down to it, we're cat people. I have always had cats; Some of them inside cats that made me sneeze and most of them were outside cats who lived in the barn or later the garage.

If they are outside cats, you can pretty much be guaranteed that kittens will appear throughout the year. This particular time, Katie must have been about 9 and Sarah 8. To be honest, I don't know why I didn't see this happening, but I didn't.

Things were pretty quiet and then I heard a lot of giggling coming from Katie's room.

"Whatcha doing?"

"Nothing, Mom"

More giggling. "Can it go faster?"

I walked over to Katie's room and opened the door.

"MMmmmeeeOOoooWWWWwwwwww"

I looked up at the ceiling fan. There on the top of one of the blades was a terrified little gray kitten, hanging on for dear life. "MMmmeeeOOOoooWWWww" The kitten made another rotation.

"Get that kitten off from there". I tried to say it with a straight face, but I really had to bite my lip to look stern. "MmmEEeeeOOOoooWWww".

"Awww Mom."

"Turn the fan off before the cat gets sick and pukes all over this room."

That did it. The fan stopped moving and the kitten jumped off and landed on the Katie's bed which was directly underneath.

No damage was done to the cat, at least physically. And with the threat of rotating cat puking all over, no more cats took a ride on the ceiling fan.

First banquet

Well on Monday our culinary class cooked our first banquet.

This is some of our awesome chefs outside of the Lenawee Country Club.
We served an Italian themed banquet. Starting with appetizers - baquettes with bruscetti.

We moved on to the main dishes which included a baked ziti and three cheese tortellini. It was hot.

Nothing like starting our first stress filled banquet on a day that the temperature topped 90 degrees, but we were still smiling with a few minutes left to spare.

Our instructor is Chef Corey. Here he is directing us on what to do.

For dessert we made No Bake Chocolate Cheesecake Mousse. This is what I worked on.
This is simple to make and looks good. It has a bit of a cocoa flavor instead of a real sweetness.

Make a graham cracker crust using ground graham, melted butter and sugar.

For the mousse -
1-1/2 cups semisweet chocolate chips
1/2 cup granulated sugar
11 oz. cream cheese
1/4 cup butter or margarine, softened
2 cups whipping cream

melt chocolate chips over low heat in a saucepan or microwave, stirring frequently until smooth and melted. Set asied to cool. In large mixer bowl beat cream cheese, sugar and butter until smooth. On low speed blend in the melted chocolate. Fold in whipped topping until blended. Spoon cheese chocoalte filled mixture into prepared graham cracker crust. Cover and chill until firm.
Garnish with whipped topping and shaved chocolate - although we used mint leaves instead because it was so hot.

Our whipped topping was whippping cream, powdered sugar and a splash of vamilla.

Three to Get Deadly by Janet Evanovich

This is the best Stephanie Plum book so far. While the characters are zany, they are well-developed. The plot sometimes reaches, but not that far that it isn't plausible.
Not even Stephanie should be able to screw up her latest FTA, an old man who runs a candy store. What could be less threatening or dangerous, well, maybe a grizzly bear. Uncle Mo is loved by everyone in the Burg and because Stephanie is out to bring him in, everyone hates her. Mo's crime, carrying a concealed weapon, but he has a worse crime hidden in the woods.

As Stephanie, Lula and sometimes Grandma Mazur track their man - the men in Stephanie's life - Joe Morelli and Ranger are probably popping anti-acids and coloring their hair to hide the gray that Stephanie is causing.

The body count rises and at one point, the cops think Stephanie might have killed a man. Who are these thugs who are turning up dead and why are they dying. Throw in some vigilentes and you have a Stephanie Plum adventure.

All's well that ends well. Stephanie gets her man - both the FTA and Morelli and possibly Ranger.
On to book four...

Baby Clown

My poor son - he has to live down the utter humiliation that nearly surrounded his birth.

In August of 1991, I was 7 months pregnant with my third child and as big as a house, but for fun, I decided that I would attend a week long clown camp in Lansing. I knew the routine - I'd go into labor and 2 days later I'd go to the hospital and after 6 hours, I'd have a new baby. I wasn't due until October so my doctor said as long as I didn't do anything to strenuous, I was good to go. Lansing is about an hour and a half from my home. My husband drove me up on a Sunday afternoon and promised to return the following Saturday to pick me up.

The week was filled with learning the business end of clowning as well as performance aspects. We learned to juggle. You learn quickly when you're pregnant because you can't bend over a lot. Face-painting, balloon artistry and magic were also offered.

In the evenings we learned skits because on Friday afternoon and evening, we were going to be putting on performances to benefit local children's charities. I was scheduled to perform in a two-person skit early in the program.

Now we were staying in dorm rooms on the campus of Michigan State University and the beds were not the most comfortable even when you aren't pregnant. I was like a bug on it's back when it came to getting up in the morning.

Well, on Friday morning, I went through my usual rolling, wiggling and thrashing about to get out of bed. Finally, I was upright, but I felt like I'd been twisted and pulled like the balloon animals I'd learned how to make.

I waddled to the cafeteria, but nothing appealled to me, except ice cream and they didn't serve that at 8am so I settled for some juice and toast with jam and oh, the bacon smelled good so I ate some of that. And then I noticed they had blueberry pancakes so I had some of those.

By the time I gorged myself, not only did my back hurt, I was feeling kind of sick to my stomach, but I didn't have time to think about the pain. I think I rolled back to my room and applied my makeup, First a nylon to pull my hair back, then my white base, black eyebrows, black eye liner, add some eye shadow and blush, some red to my mouth, powder and then add the red nose and fake eye lashes. I was a pretty clown. Next came the costume - a maternity dress,and striped socks. My roommate helped me put on my size 25 hot pink clown shoes. I loved wearing them because they acted as a counter balance to my protruding stomach. Finally I added my wig and I was ready to go. We were going to meet and have a run-through rehearsal, a light lunch and then it was SHOW TIME.

I was nervous. I don't know why. The skit was simple enough and didn't involve anything physical; plus I'd performed it many times in the past. But still, something didn't feel right. I paced the hallway, ahhh...now I knew what was wrong. I must have slept wrong, every once in a while make back hurt, but if I streched or twisted it went away.

Rehearsal was a piece of cake. Many of the performers had never done a show before and they were nervous. Some of them were jumping up and down, others we running around and the noise - it seemed like everyone of those clowns was talking in their loudest most annoying clown voice. Someone brought us sandwiches and chips for lunch. Then the director called places, it was show time!!!

The other clowns seemed to grow even more frenzied. All I wanted to do is lay down. My back still hurt, but the show must go on. Our skit was called and out we bounced. Ok, my partner bounced and I waddled. I smiled extra big and performed our best. We waved as we scurried out of the center ring and once we got to the backroom, I found a chair and sat down.

A few minutes later, another clown came over and asked if I was ok. "Sure, I just slept wrong."
His clown name was Brit and he told me to wait right there, like I could disappear, and said, he'd be right back. A few minutes later, he returned, with the camp nurse. She was a real nurse, not a clown nurse. I just wanted to clarify that in case you pictured a clown dressed in a nurse's uniform carrying a large syringe.
"So what's going on?" She asked.
"Nothing, I just slept wrong last night. Got a little backache."
"Hmmm..."
"Well, I don't think she looks good" said Brit.
Now, how he could tell I didn't look good was beyond me. Every inch of my face was covered in heavy clown white - so yeah, I was pale, but that's how I was suppose to look.

The nurse started feeling around on my stomach and told Brit to go get a car. "You're going to the hospital," she said to me.
"No, I'm fine, just need an aspirin."
"Well, let's let the doctor decide that." She pulled me from the chair. She probably hurt her own back and should have used a pulley to hoist me up.

I got in the backseat, she got in the front. Brit waved at us as we pulled out of the parking lot.

She must have called ahead because I was quickly ushered into the hospital and didn't even have fill out any forms. We headed to the bank of elevators to take us to the third floor - labor and delivery.

When we got to the elevators, one was just boarding a woman ahead of us, but when she turned around and saw me, her eyes grew large and I thought if she's not having a heart attack already, if I get on this elevator she's definitely going to have one. So I waited for the next one.

When I stepped out on the third floor, the hall was lined with doctors and nurses. I was a parade of two - me and the nurse. We were assigned a room and the doctor on call wasted no time in getting me in a bed and my legs in stirrups. I didn't even have time to take off my shoes.

So there I lay, I could see my big pink clown shoes in the stirrups, a white sheet over my stomach. I did take off my wig, but I was wearing a white skullcap so I just looked like a baby bird's head - no hair. So pretty much I was pink shoes and a big white blob laying there.

As for the backache - it was labor pains. My contractions at that point were three minutes apart and I was far enough along for them to let me have the baby so they gave me something to stop labor.

Throughout the afternoon and evening, I had the best care. Doctors and nurses were stopping in to check on me. Finally about 8pm, one doctor came in and was checking my pulse. I asked who he was and he told me a cardiologist. My heart nearly stopped.

"What's wrong with me?" I shrieked.
"Nothing, I just wanted to see what you looked like."
I scowled at him.

At 10pm, I received a phone call from the security guard. "Hey, there's a bunch of clowns down here, said they wanted to see ya."

"They have my makeup remover! Let them in!"
"Oh you're the clown in labor," he chuckled. "I can't let them all in, but maybe one would be ok, it is after visiting hours."

"Thanks"
My roommate showed up a few minutes later and brought me some regular clothes and helped me remove my makeup. She sat with me for a little while and then headed back to the dorm.

The next day I was released with orders to stop clowning around. Very funny! My camp roommate drove me back to the campus where I waited for my husband to show up. He hadn't come up the night before because he said he couldn't find anyone to watch our daughters. I think he wanted to watch a ballgame.

Approximately, two months later, arriving two days late, my son Seth was born. There are no pictures of me in labor in my clown makeup because I was an angry, pregnant clown and I don't think anyone want to cross me. Give me a break, I was in labor, in my clown costume - you'd be a bit cranky too.