The day I got beat up by a little old lady

September 11, 2001 wasn't a good day. It started out good, but by 2:30 in the afternoon, I was a basketcase. I worked as a radio news director. We watched the Twin Towers come under attack. My news monitor was going crazy as was my afternoon guy. The man showed up in fatigues and boots with a crazed look in his eye. All I wanted to do was pick up my kids from school and hug them tight.

My girls were in junior high at the time so I picked them up at 2:30. The sun was shining and if you didn't have the radio on in the car, it was a perfect fall day. We didn't talk much about the national disaster, but the girls knew that I would probably be at the office a lot until the crisis passed.

My son was attending elementary school and was dismissed an hour later. I knew that fighting the crowds of parents on a normal day was hectic and with all that had happened today it would be worse. So the girls and I headed to the school early so I could get a parking space.

I hadn't told Seth I was picking him up so the girls offered to run up to the building and wait. They wanted to say hi to some of their old teachers anyway. So the girls hopped out of the car and headed up the sidewalk. That's when I first heard the honking. I didn't think too much of it, someone honking hello to someone they knew. I knew I had about 20 minutes before school was out and since I was parked just past the school I knew I wouldn't have a problem getting out. Parents were starting to line the street, waiting for their children. I picked up a book I was reading and settled in while I waited for the kids to return.

The honking continued. Weird, I thought. I turned the page. The honking was more insistent now. I glanced in my rearview mirror at the van behind me. The woman was gesturing at me. I looked around. I was parked correctly; I noticed that she had enough room to park behind me or in front of me for that matter. There were still some parking spaces across the street (it was a one way street with parking on both sides). I went back to my book. The honking continued and I, continued to ignore her. She couldn't possibly be honking at me, I hadn't done anything wrong.

Just then, the woman appeared at my window, which was down because it was a warm day.

"Didn't you hear me honking?"

"Yeah."

"Then why didn't you move?"

"Because I'm parked legally and my kids know where I am."

"You need to move."

"No," I said, and went back to reading my book.

"You bitch!" Screamed the woman. At the same time, she reached through the window of my car and punched me full force in the mouth. She then spun around and marched back to her van.

I jumped out of my car and raced back, fully intending to get her license plate. I realized that I had positioned myself between my car and her van and at that moment, my life passed in front of my eyes as I envisioned the woman ramming her van into me pinning me between the vehicles. I jumped to the safety of the sidewalk.

She sat in her van scowling at me for a minute longer and I stood stunned, blood dripping from my split and now swollen lip. I figured I'd better get some ice for it and started walking to the school. About that time, a man yelled across the street at me to come over to his car. He told me that he had witnessed the assault and had called the police.

"Oh great," I groaned. I knew almost every cop on the force. I was hoping they sent someone I didn't know well at least. Three police cars came racing down the street lights flashing, but thankfully no sirens. They skidded to a stop in front of us because my good Samaritan was waving to them. Now a small crowd had started to gather. My lip was throbbing and still bleeding.

"Look," said the man, "that woman injured her."

I glanced at the cops surrounding me and grimaced. Two of them I knew well, the third one I had seen on ocassion. This was such an embarassment. I looked down and noticed that I had dripped blood on the front of my shirt. My eyes were glassy from shock. No one expects to be punched in the face while reading a Harlequin romance novel in their car in front of an elementary school.

Great role model for the kids. They were doing a big thing at this school on tolerence and solving problems with words not violence.

"So what happened?"

The good Samaritan told the cop how he saw the whole thing from across the street. How I was just sitting there when this woman popped me in the face. He explained how he saw her go into the house in front of where her van was parked. John, one of the cops who I had known for years, sauntered over to the house and I watched him knock on the door. I hadn't even seen her get out of her van.

The second cop asked me to relate my side of the story which I did, with a speech impediment as my lip was now double in size. All I wanted was some ice and some water.

The third cop went over and looked at the vehicles. The dismissal bell rang and the kids began pouring out of the building. From where I stood, I could see my kids heading to my car. I watched as their eyes grew large when they saw the cop and they started running toward the car. I knew they feared the worst. They told me later that they thought I'd been arrested. See, not even my kids expected me to get punched in the mouth. Obviously the officer explained that I was ok, I was just talking to another cop and I'd be right back.

I saw John heading back across the street, grinning. "So why did you tick off that 70-year-old lady?"

"What? I didn't...70?" I wasn't making any sense but neither was he.

"Yeah, she said you told her no, with attitude."

"I told her no I wasn't moving my car and then ignored her. She's 70?"

"Yeah, you got beat-up by a little old lady." and he laughed. "I thought you were suppose to be tough."

"I am, well sorta...you just don't go around hitting people for no reason. There were plenty of parking spaces."

"She said she wanted yours and you wouldn't give it to her."

"I was there first." I think I whined a bit on that one.

"Well, we'll be in touch if we don't have any more questions. And don't be ticking off grandmas the next one might give ya a black eye." John chuckled and I walked back to my car, my lip throbbing with each step.

The kids laughed about it. By the time I returned to work, the rumor had it that I had been slashed by a crazed woman and had to have stitches in my face. Not true, a bag of ice took the swelling down quickly, a little salve took away the sting and I was as good as new in a half hour.

I wish I had a morale to this story - but I don't.

As for a resolution - I am tough. She wrote me a letter apologizing and dropped it off at my house. I found it stuck in my door when I came home from work one day. Of course I freaked. The cops had written the report up using the name they knew me by - my radio name. My address/phone number were listed under my married name. Can you say stalker? I bought some pepper spray and I pressed charges for assault and battery and stalking. That little old grandma had to go to anger management classes and do community service as well as pay a fine. I heard she got two years probation too. So I guess the morale is, if you want a parking space, don't mess with me!