Nancy Drew wanna-be

Growing up, I wanted to be Nancy Drew. I wanted to have a cool convertible, best friends who would totally back me up and a boyfriend who was the quarterback of the college football team as well as being handsome. Plus, Nancy didn't have a job, but she always had money. She was nice and everyone loved her.

Well, it turns out I wasn't so much a Nancy Drew as I was Stephanie Plum from the Janet Evanovich series. I'm beginning to think maybe Evanovich has been tailing me to write her stories.

Anyway, the economy turned bad and I needed money and so did my friend Laura. We both loved solving mysteries albeit in our jammies sitting in bed. Laura was a whiz on research and so she decided that would be her job. I was supposedly more athletic so I'd do the leg work. Ummm...I should explain I'm 5'2" and was weighing in at about 180 at the time. I was also in my uhhhh...ahem...mid-40s. Not exactly Dawg the Bounty Hunter.

We asked around about what it would take - licensing, gun permits, DBAs. It seemed like a lot of red tape. Now, according to my husband, I haven't got any street smarts and not much in the common sense department either. It's a good thing we weren't a couple yet.

I was at my local watering hole talking about how I wanted to be a detective and bragging about how I had tracked down my birth-parents. Ok, so I left out the part about getting some help and I didn't actually find them, my searcher did, but that part of the story didn't lend itself to my credibility.

Well, wouldn't you know it. Someone actually listened to me and the next thing I knew, I had a case. Yep, an honest to goodness case. I had to track down this woman's boyfriend and find out if he was cheating and with whom.

I figured it shouldn't be tough - I figured wrong. I did my homework, got a name, googled an address and mapped it out. The problem was it was a ways away - out in the middle of some cornfield and the only time to catch him was at night and I have a mild case of night blindness.

My partner had backed out, so the woman who wanted me to track down her boyfriend went along for the ride. She wanted to catch him in the act I guess. My car was an old beat up bright blue Buick with a very distinguishing dent in the door. It also was a gas hog. So before we left town, we stopped at the gas station and filled up. We also got a few snacks and cigarettes and a couple of sodas. Sodas and stake-outs don't mix.

We drove out of town and into the blackness of a country night. The further we drove the darker it got. Finally, the asphalt gave way to a dirt road with very deep ditches on both sides. I figured it would prevent deer from jumping out at us if nothing else.

Now part of being a detective is being sneaky. The house was the only one on this stretch of road that basically went no where. I'm pretty sure people just don't cruise this road and my car was the only one we'd seen in miles. So I figured I'd better shut off my headlights. Unfortunately, I couldn't figure out how to do that. This car had a sensor so that when it got dark, the lights came on. I stopped the car in the middle of the road about 1/4 mile from the house I was suppose to be checking out, turned on all of the interior lights so I could see if there was a switch or a nob to turn off the lights. I pushed this one and my hazard lights flashed. Then I flicked another and the bright lights beamed to life. Yep, I was definitely in covert mode. Finally, I figured out how to turn off the lights and crawled down the road to the driveway, praying that I was driving straight enough not to land us in a ditch.

Now what? Turn in, sit out on the road, drive past? We sat there staring at the farmhouse that sat about 300 yards off the road. We both lit a cigarette and smoked. I had to pee, but outside of knocking on the door, my only other option was to find a spot and squat. I tried not to think of the pressure building.

"Well, what do you think?"

"I don't see his truck."

I sucked on my cigarette feeling very Columbo. I thought to myself, I need a trenchcoat and dark glasses. I was assessing the situation. I could sneak up to the house and peek in a window. If I saw the guy I'd run back and get her or I could just snap a few pictures and she could show him the next day as evidence. It was really dark outside and who knows what could be lurking out there.

"Do you want to get any closer?"

"Nah", said the woman. "He ain't here. He's back in town. I just wanted to know where the bitch lived."

She could've told me that sooner, like back at the gas station. I would've drawn her a map. My bladder was now closer to bursting and it was a half hour drive back into town.

I put the car in drive and pulled away. Yep, I was a real Nancy Drew - I solved the case and everyone loved me. And just like Nancy I didn't get paid cash - I got a couple of free beers. I just can't wait until my next big adventure.